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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260041">Funny how the price gets paid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tovarich/pseuds/Tovarich'>Tovarich</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Good Omens Celebration 2020 [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(at least I hope it's funny), Crowley's Rat Army, Good Omens Celebration 2020, Humor, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Revenge, Sensuality</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:35:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tovarich/pseuds/Tovarich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is part 2 of "Open up your worried world and let me in". Crowley decides to make the people who insulted Aziraphale jealous. But when it appears not to be enough to get rid of them, he sends his rat army at them to really make them miserable.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Good Omens Celebration 2020 [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Good Omens Celebration</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Funny how the price gets paid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The prompt for day 14 of the Good Omens Celebration was "Food". I interpreted it very loosely, since the only thing that has something to do with food is the fact that it starts and ends at the same cafe from "Open up your worried world and let me in".<br/>Also, I'd like to thank all the kind people who left comments on the first part and gave me ideas to write this. I hope you'll enjoy reading this second part as much as you enjoyed the first one.</p><p>Title is from "Taste the pain" from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Najma glared at the three people who sat at the table beside one of the windows. They kept coming back, nearly every day in fact, despite her attempts to make them leave and never come back. 'Vegan Cookies? Sorry, don't have them.' Or 'Oh we're out of salad today, try another place.' She even spilled juice on one of the women's expensive dress. She had done everything humanly possible to make them hate this café so they wouldn't come back, she even went as far as telling her co-workers exactly what happened, and they started being awful with just these three customers. But no, they kept coming back, every day. Every day they arrived, always dressed in clothes that probably costed more than she earned in a month, always laughing at someone or something, always trying to look as thin and stylish and rich as possible. Why did they even come here, it wasn't a fancy place. It was just a nice little café, a place were friends came to chat, students came to work alone or in little groups, family came after picking their children up from school. It wasn't a place for people like them. And Mr. Fell hadn't come back in almost a week. He usually came nearly every single day, and now it had been a week and it was those damned people's fault. Najma missed him. They all did, really. Mr. Fell was everyone's favourite customer; he was always kind, he always had a nice word or a gentle smile to offer, he always gave generous tips, he was never rude, even when he was having a bad day.</p><p>Just as she was thinking that, Najma saw Mr. Fell enter the café with his tartan umbrella under his arm. She had been having a fairly bad day and the incessant raining hadn't helped at all, but Mr. Fell's arrival had seemed to brighten the room. He smiled at her when he spotted her and came straight to the counter.</p><p>"Hello, dear. It has been a long time, how are you?" Aziraphale asked.</p><p>"I'm doing fine, it's good to see you, Mr. Fell! How are you yourself?" Najma replied as she walked with him to a free table, as far as possible from the windows.</p><p>"I'm good, thank you. My friend Crowley will join me, he should be here in a few minutes."</p><p>For a long time, Najma had only heard about Anthony Crowley without ever meeting him, Mr. Fell always talked about him but the man never came. Until one day, he finally showed up. Najma had instantly decided that she liked him. Just from the way he looked at Mr. Fell, she had been able to tell that he genuinely loved him. He was a good man, Najma could tell, but good in a way that was different from Mr. Fell. She felt like if something bad happened to you, Mr. Fell would be the one to comfort you while Mr. Crowley would hunt down whoever hurt you and make them pay for what they did. Mr. Fell could be a bit of a bastard, she had witnessed it. Not in the bad sense, though. But Mr. Crowley sometimes made her think of a snake, ready to snap and sink his teeth in whoever dared to attack him or his loved ones. Knowing the man would be there reassured Najma a bit; she knew he wouldn't let anything bad happen to Mr. Fell. And the latter didn't look nervous at all, even though Najma had absolutely no doubt he had seen the three people on the other side of the room. With this knowledge, she didn't feel bad for leaving Mr. Fell waiting for Mr. Crowley on his own while she went back to work.</p>
<hr/><p>When Crowley entered the café, he felt three pairs of eyes turn to him, mouths open in awe and desire. <em>Good, keep your eyes on me</em>, he thought with a smirk, making sure to sway his hips in an alluring way. He knew what he was doing, temptation was his domain of expertise after all. And from the way they were looking at him, hungry eyes fixed on his long legs and firm arse, already salivating at the thought of what else those hips could do, he knew they were hooked. Of course, they were. In his nice, tight, black clothes, dark lenses covering his eyes making him look just a bit mysterious, flamboyant red hair styled in a fashionable way, Crowley knew he was exactly the sort of person these people found attractive. He made sure to walk as slowly as he could without it being weird, giving them time to devour his whole body. He waved at Najma when he spotted her and the young woman playfully rolled her eyes, holding back her laughter. Of course, she knew what Crowley was doing and from the look on her face, she was finding it just as hilarious as Crowley did. Aziraphale had turned his head just long enough to meet Crowley's eyes before turning away, waiting for Crowley to reach his table.</p><p>"Hey, angel," Crowley greeted, just loud enough for his targets to hear him, "I hope I haven't made you wait for too long." He put a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder and bent down to place a tender kiss on his lips.</p><p>Behind them, Crowley heard the three people gasp. Oh, he wished he could see their faces right now. But the chorus of outraged 'What!?' and 'How is that possible?' and 'that's unfair! How could a man like him want to be with someone like that?' would have to be enough. Honestly, seeing Aziraphale's smug smile was better than all the scandalised faces in the world.</p><p>"Don't worry darling, I've only been here for a few minutes. Please take a seat," Aziraphale replied, silently thanking Crowley for his intervention.</p><p>And honestly, Crowley would do anything to make Aziraphale happy. He had to admit giving stupid people a little show of what they'd never be able to have had been even funnier than he had expected. He could still feel them glaring at him behind his back and this time he couldn't resist looking back, glaring back at them behind his sunglasses and shot them a threatening smile. When the man lowered his eyes, trying to hide he was shivering, Crowley turned back to Aziraphale, taking his hand and kissing it.</p><p>Najma came back to their tables with a hot chocolate and strawberry pie for Aziraphale and a black coffee for Crowley. She met Crowley's eyes before turning them slightly towards the three, still scandalised people, and rolled her eyes in annoyance. They had developed a sort of non-verbal language where Najma spoke with her eyes and Crowley replied with his eyebrows. He understood that the three people came here far too often and were utterly unwanted. When he had first met her, Crowley had thought she was completely harmless. She looked so innocent with her youthful face framed by wavy brown hair and her wide hazel eyes. But Crowley could see the mischievous glint in those irises. He was certain she had done everything in her power to make them leave. And they still hadn't taken the hint. That meant Crowley would have to take matters into his own hands.</p><p>"What are you planning, dear?" Aziraphale asked. Of course, he knew that look, he knew the gears were turning in Crowley's head, the demon coming up with a devious plan. And Aziraphale wasn't going to stop him.</p><p>Crowley smirked, "You'll see, angel. It will be hilarious."</p><p>"I don't have any doubt about it," Aziraphale replied with a grin of his own, starting to eat the delicious pie.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Crowley gathered his rat army at the bookshop that night, it was time to get down to business. He showed them photos of their targets, making sure they had their faces in mind. The only instruction they had was 'do your very worst', and that they could do.</p><p>"Don't take it wrong, but I thought your army would be composed of a little more than three members, dear," Aziraphale said, clearly nervous about this whole plan judging from the way he was wringing his hands.</p><p>"Don't worry, they're the best. Never failed a mission before. They're more like a rat commando, extremely well-trained," Crowley replied, he trusted his rats to carry out their mission.</p><p>"Of course, they are," Aziraphale smiled and kissed Crowley gently.</p><p>But before Aziraphale could retreat, Crowley deepened the kiss, swallowing Aziraphale's moan. He kissed his way to Aziraphale's ear and whispered, "What about I give you a little private show, hmmm, angel?" He pushed Aziraphale on his armchair and when he raised his hand, music started playing.  </p><p>Aziraphale sat there, mesmerised by Crowley's graceful movements. The way his body undulated in rhythm with the music, hips rolling languidly. Eyes were closed, lost in the moment, surrendering to the slow beat of the song. He was gorgeous. And Aziraphale was the only witness of those moments where Crowley simply let go, where he would let the melody dictate his movements, without any restraints. It was true that demons couldn't dance, with one exception; some of them could dance in an extremely seductive way but were unable to dance any other way. Crowley loved to dance like that. He simply enjoyed losing himself in the music, letting the rest of the world disappear for a while. But he usually only did it on his own or for Aziraphale. Because Crowley trusted Aziraphale. He trusted Aziraphale to just enjoy looking at Crowley, without expecting more. On the rare times he had danced like that in public, there had always been someone there to demand more from him, and to insult him when he inevitably refused. But Aziraphale never treated him like that. He made Crowley feel beautiful. And desired too, always desired. But not in an unwanted way. He never acted as if Crowley owed him anything, instead he acted as if Crowley had offered him something beautiful. And after the way those people had looked at him this morning, Crowley needed it. He needed to be watched by someone who wouldn't see him as a thing to possess, to use and then throw away when they'd had their fun with him.</p><p>When the music stopped Crowley opened his eyes and looked at Aziraphale. The angel was looking back at him, eyes full of adoration.</p><p>"Come here, my beautiful demon," Aziraphale said as he opened his arms.</p><p>Crowley climbed on Aziraphale's lap and revelled in the soft warmth embracing him. He felt safe and loved there, against Aziraphale's chest.</p><p>"Thank you, my darling. You were absolutely gorgeous. The most beautiful creature in the whole universe," Aziraphale whispered against Crowley's temple.</p><p>"Nhg, thank you angel," Crowley mumbled, burying his face in Aziraphale's neck.</p><p>Aziraphale carried him up to the bedroom above the shop, lying by his side. The last thing Crowley was conscious of before he fell asleep was the feeling of gentle lips on his forehead.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The three rats were running across the city, through the sewers, in deserted alleys. They knew exactly where they were going thanks to their large network of agents. They had rats everywhere to inform them, and there always was one to give you the information you needed.</p><p>Finally, after running for over an hour, they reached their first destination. It was the man's house. Apparently, he had a nice car in the garage, this would be their first goal. They entered the garage from the air vent and started their search for the right car. But Jerry pointed out to them that if the house belonged to the man, the cars must be his too. That meant they had several cars to destroy. Better get to work soon! They started biting on every cable they could, destroying everything that could be broken by rodents' teeth. It was a real carnage, they knew it; those weren't the first cars they ruined. But they weren't done yet; General Crowley had said to do their very worst, this was only the beginning. Jerry rubbed his hands, a mischievous glint shining in his black eyes. They entered the house far too easily thanks to Gus' talent for finding little openings everywhere. There was a coffee machine on the table. It looked expensive too. Could be a good target. Jerry sent Remy to damage it. The large television would be Gus's target. Jerry would go to the man's room and bite some cables there. When they were done the three rats left the house as discreetly as they had come in.</p><p>Their next destination was the blond woman's home. From what their agents had told them, she lived in an apartment complex. It would be more of a challenge, but nothing they hadn't done before. It was Remy who found her flat, rather quickly at that. The woman didn't have a car, but she had very expensive shoes. It was easy to find them; they were all neatly stored in a walk-in wardrobe. Gus wondered how that woman could walk with those high heels. The only possible way he saw was that she too was a highly trained agent. But it didn't matter, because soon, her heels would be broken. Just badly enough that they would break if she walked on a slightly uneven floor. She also seemed to have expensive make-up, all in pretty little bottles. It really was a shame that Gus needed to urinate… And they ruined her clothes, for good measure. Tearing at expensive fabric with their claws and teeth; every item of clothing she possessed were completely destroyed. That was a success.</p><p>The last target would be the most dangerous: she had a cat. But maybe they might be able to negotiate with the beast. It certainly wouldn't be the first cat they met, and it had never stopped them from accomplishing their missions before. They entered the flat from an open window. That was very unwise of that woman, but they weren't going to complain. They found themselves face to face with the cat as soon as they set foot inside the flat. She didn't look very dangerous, but there was no way to tell for sure with the felines. She was white, looking like she had never been outside.</p><p>"What are you doing here? You're going to put dirt everywhere!" She complained in a haughty voice.</p><p>It was Remy who talked, he was the one with the best manners of the three of them. "It's a personal matter, with your human. We're here to deliver punishment for her deeds."</p><p>The white cat didn't seem surprised or bothered at all, on the contrary, she looked as if she was rather enjoying the idea. "Just make it so she can't suspect me. And make her pay, she probably deserves it."</p><p>Jerry didn't understand why those nice cats stayed with humans who treated them badly, but it wasn't his problem tonight. If that pretty lady cat wanted to endure whatever this woman did to her in exchange for free food and a dry place to sleep, it was her choice.</p><p>They found the laptop first. It looked new but not new enough to still be under warranty, and it looked like the brown-haired woman used it a lot. Well, she wouldn't be able to use it anymore. They broke her phone too. Remy found that her fridge and freezer were very full, and how inconvenient would it be if they just stopped functioning for some mysterious reason?</p><p>With that, their mission was fulfilled. It was almost dawn when they reached their headquarters, ready for a good day of sleep after the previous night's adventure.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Crowley took Aziraphale back to the angel's favourite café. He had said he had a surprise and he hadn't lied. When they arrived, the women and the man were already there and they seemed to be in a heated argument about something. Najma glared at them. She had tried to make them understand they were disturbing other clients, but those people were so selfish, they didn't care at all about the other people around them. The blond woman was wearing jogging pants and an old t-shirt covered in dirt and full of holes. Her eyes were red and she couldn't stop rubbing at them.</p><p>"My mascara had a strange smell, but it's not like it usually smells good!" She said, probably replying to something one of her friends had told her. "And now my eyes burn, it's awful. And I'm wearing jogging pants because that's the only thing that wasn't torn!"</p><p>The brown-haired woman rolled her eyes with a disdainful sneer, "Oh come on, just stop complaining about your stupid problems. What, you fell in the middle of the street because your stupidly high heels broke? I can't even work anymore! That's a real problem, not like people laughing at me because I don't know how to walk."</p><p>"Real problem? I have real problems! I don't have anything left to wear, I strained my ankle and I might go blind! So shut up about not being able to do that stupid job of yours!" She was almost crying, but she obviously didn't want to do that in public.</p><p>"Yes, of course. A stupid bitch like you wouldn't understand that working is important. I got fired. Because my computer broke and I didn't wake up because my phone broke too."</p><p>"Girls come on, you can just buy new things. My cars are all broken. I tried to drive to work, but when I turned on the engine, the garage only filled with smoke. Every single one of my cars are dead! Do you know how much I payed them? Have you got any idea? And my clothes all stink like I walked in the sewer last night!" The man seemed very angry about his cars, and Crowley could understand him. It only made it more hilarious.</p><p>The blond woman threw her glass of juice at the man's face. "Can you stop talking about your cars for five minutes? Can you stop pretending you're the only one who's lost something?"</p><p>From their observation point, just a few tables away, Crowley and Aziraphale were laughing at the three people. They looked ridiculous, all angry and their friendship ruined by three rats. Aziraphale chuckled as he watched the scene unfold before his eyes. It was indeed a surprise, and he liked it a lot. Seeing three selfish people fight about who had the biggest problem was quite entertaining.</p><p>"You'll have to thank your little rat commando for me dear," he said, smiling at Crowley.</p><p>Najma joined them at that moment. "Did you do that?" she couldn't believe it, but at the same time it didn't seem impossible to her.</p><p>"Hng, maybe I did, maybe I asked someone to do it for me. Or maybe I have nothing to do with it and just conveniently came here in time for the show," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.</p><p>Najma laughed and went to the three people, telling them to leave once and for all after the two women had started fighting for real. When they didn't comply, going as far as throwing a plate at the young woman, she called the police. Well, at least they wouldn't come back here after that.</p><p>Crowley and Aziraphale exited the café to go on a little walk in the park. The sun was shining, birds were singing in the trees; it was a beautiful day.</p><p> </p>
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